Yeah, I almost had a heart attack when i saw the numbers on the scale this morning. I knew my control slipped and that I greenlighted far more comfort foods in the past month than usual. I also let my portion control slip when I stopped logging my calories.
But what is done is done. I can’t wallow. Although I will admit to some very harsh words to myself this morning. Then I actually stopped and realized I wouldn’t actually say those things to anyone else and that I certainly didn’t need to hear them from myself.
So at least that is progress of a sort.
What matters now is not letting this setback become permanent. It happened and it is a good reminder of what happens when I stop paying attention, but it isn’t permanent. It is just my new starting point.
I won’t lie I thought I might gain a couple of pounds, but I didn’t expect this and I am somewhat disappointed in myself. However, I know I took a month off from the scale for a good reason. I also now know that I am still at a point where the scale is a tool I need to use to keep me on track. Clearly it helps me reinforce my good decisions and provides a marker for a course correction when I make bad ones. So this was what a month with no accountability got me.
I need the accountability of the weekly weigh in. And so it returns.
I’ll get over my disappointment in myself and keep moving forward. As a very good friend of mine once told me, ‘Failures are either lessons that propel you forward or weights that hold you back.’ The situation was completely different, but the theory remains the same. I’ve learned lessons, about both my weight and myself this month. I will let them guide me as I move on and not weld me into place.
Yeah I know. Sarcasm and mocking come naturally to me, positive thinking takes effort. And while I’ll never be the eternal optimist/cheerleader sort of person, in this instance it is important to set the disappointment to the side. In case you were wondering in high school my sports were Fencing and Debate. If I couldn’t skewer you with words, I went for the sword. Not a lot of cheerleaders for Fencing. Although I bet their cheers would just be simply awesome. I’m sure lunge and riposte would be just beat the word Defense hollow in cheer format.
But I suppose now I need to work on my riposte and be my own cheerleader. And at least trying to think up fencing and/or weight loss related cheers prevents me from wallowing. Humor may be a defense mechanism, but sometimes it keeps your brain from breaking. And I’d rather laugh than beat myself up for what is already done. So, as I move forward we have the new stats.
Starting Weight: 246 lbs
This week’s Weight: 220.2 lbs
I kept my original weight because it reminds me that I am not back to square one no matter how much it feels like it at this moment in time. I also am not adding my last weigh in because it is in the past and if I see it, I will dwell upon it and start to wallow. next week I will add the change in weight from this week’s record. (although the other weights are still posted so you can see them for yourself if you’d like). I am also leaving off the goal weight as I don’t want to fixate on a number and instead just focus on reaching a weight where I feel good and is within the range of healthy weight for my body type according to the doctor.
So the big scare first official weigh in back is complete. It was scary, but I get through it, and you can’t always walk away and hid from what scares you. Unless it is a knife wielding maniac. Then you should probably run and hide. And call the police. But scary things like facing the scale and weight gain. This is something I can do. A scary thing I can face. And if you are in the same boat, I know that you can do it too.